Ref: Corey Wayne – Life is Relationships
‘Here’s why contacting a woman excessively when she does not quickly return your phone calls, texts, emails, messages, etc. causes her to reject you and treat you like a stalker. The calling card and hallmark of a needy guy, future abusive boyfriend or stalker is, an inability to wait for a woman to return their phone calls, texts, e-mails, messages, etc. when they have not heard from her in the time frame they expect. They fear they will get rejected just like all the women before rejected them, so they constantly do and say things that reveal they are seeking a woman’s approval by trying to make or force things to happen by contacting her excessively.’
This happened to a girlfriend of mine recently and prompted this post.
She met this guy and started dating him, they had been on one date and on the second he intended to drink drive when she was in the car. Immediately the alarm bells rang, she got a cab home and decided she wouldn’t see him again. Two days later she received a lovely hand written letter apologizing saying he never wanted to harm her or anyone else and implied he wouldn’t drink drive again. He had clearly been delusional as to what constituted as drink driving.
Touched by the letter, and giving him the benefit of the doubt, she ended up spending 4 nights/days with him on the trot, however she said that after the second day she was tired, fed up with him and she didn’t want to be around him – it was over kill. There was something that unsettled her about him but she couldn’t pin point it.
There were a number of things that concerned her, not least when he admitted snooping around her bedroom, which raised further red flags. Coincidentally her camera has been missing since his visit. She wanted some time to think about things, however when he realized he wasn’t going to see her for a week, he proceeded to bombard her with emails and text messages.
The weird and disturbing thing was that the messages were written as though it was a conversation and she had been replying. The more she ignored him the more frequent the messages became. He sent 8 on one day. He was away with the boys for a weekend and clearly he was panicking, thinking he had lost her. He was completely oblivious that with every message he added another nail in the coffin anyway! In his head he had managed to convince himself that she wanted to see him.
On one day he even thought he was forcing her to respond by saying ‘I’m in town on my bike I can be at yours in ten minutes, if it’s not convenient, just say.’ She had not encouraged him or given him any sign that she wanted to see him. He’d sent about 10 messages, which were ignored. Bizzarely he takes the fact that she didn’t reply as ‘yes I’d love you to come and see me’ and turns up on her doorstep. Calling her when he doesn’t get a reply from his knock. He’s so wrapped up in his fantasy world he thinks he’s being tested and that it’s some sort of game.
Then he messages to ask her if they are meeting up the following evening as planned before all the messages. To stop them coming she asked him to leave her alone, and give her time to think, and not to contact her in anyway. And what happens? Two days later he’s emailing her, which forced her into threatening police action.
What he should have done when he didn’t get a reply to his first message was enjoy his weekend, given her some space and called her on his return.
Once you have made a woman feel uncomfortable you can’t ever pull back from it. There’s a line and once you cross it, you’re past the point of no return.
Here’s what his behaviour said about him: needy, obsessive, impatient, controlling, unstable, insecure, weird, delusional, potential mental health issues, immature – none of which are attractive traits for a woman seeking a new relationship.
Guys I urge you to not fall into this trap of becoming obsessed, especially when it’s unrequited. You can’t force someone to like you. If someone isn’t interested in you, then move on, you only hurt yourself if you keep obsessing.
If you message a woman and she doesn’t respond, wait a few days and then try a different contact, i.e if you sent a text message then follow up with a call, email or Face Book message a few days later.
Make sure that in your first message you are asking her a question, rather than just sending a comment, so she should be replying. The follow up message shouldn’t be giving her grief for not replying to your first message, but you could say, ‘I sent you a message the other day just wondering if you got it?’ And then add some more substance to it, maybe say you’ve had a manic week at work, or a comment about something. If she doesn’t respond second time around – move on. She’s not interested. Simples